In the EFT world, there is something we call the 8 Cs. How do you know when EFT is working? More of the 8 Cs show up in your life. Calm. Clarity. Compassion. Confidence. Connection. Courage. Creativity. Curiosity. What does this look like?
Imagine Spouse 1 reminds Spouse 2 not to forget to do part of a task they are currently doing. There is a bit of annoyance, in Spouse 1's voice, because they are remembering when they had to complete the task last time. Spouse 2 explodes with rage, frightening Teen 1 and Teen 2 who go into a freeze response. Spouse 1 remains CALM, has the CLARITY to recognize that this is not about them, gets CURIOUS, asks, "Are you okay? Did I do something that I'm not aware of? Did something happen?" Spouse 2 says, "I can't talk to you right now!!!" and Spouse 1 calmly replies, "Okay" and goes back to what they were doing. Within minutes, Spouse 2 is back, with the COURAGE and CLARITY to tell Spouse 1 what is really going on. This gives Teen 1 and Teen 2 the COURAGE and CONFIDENCE to come out of freeze and respond with COMPASSION and help Spouse 2 to get their needs met. Teen 1 takes over the task Spouse 2 was doing. Teen 2 shows CREATIVITY, offering to make food for Spouse 2. Spouse 1 helps Teen 1 with the chore, and Spouse 2 feels seen and is able to find CALM for a little while. Spouse 1 has the COMPASSION and CREATIVITY to encourage Spouse 2 to book a float, which helps them to access more CALM. The end result is that the whole family feels CONNECTED and safe, which is the real goal of EFT tapping. This is what actually happened in my family a little over a week ago (with most of the identifying info removed). It takes time. I have been using EFT for 18 years now and my spouse and children use it too. Change is not an event, it's a process, but you won't get there if you don't have the courage and curiosity to take the first step.